Being a missionary is…

[THE UNSEEN AND INTERNAL BATTLE OF MISSION LIFE]

Being a missionary is…

Screaming to God from the mountaintops (literally) with your fists up in the air and tears running down your face. 

Jep, just now I came back from one of those wrestle-sessions with God (something similar to Jacob in the Bible who was wrestling with God). What was I screaming about? Well, I was telling Him how difficult I find missions for so many different reasons. How I feel so unsure, whether I am capable of continuing mission-life and ‘doing good’ if there is such a high price to pay for it.

I am unsure whether I am capable of continuing mission-life and ‘doing good’ if there is such a high price to pay for it

But wait, isn’t doing missions something freeing? Something that is so meaningful and gives you so much satisfaction? A great act of service that grows and boosts your faith? Then why do you scream to God like that? Shouldn’t you be grateful and happy? There are many people out there that wish they could do what you do, but they can’t for a variety of reasons. Many people wish to not be “stuck” to an 8 to 5 life that is limited to making money to pay for your mortgage, insurances and pension. Many people wish to be free from all of that, and to just be able to follow God wherever He leads them. Being in missions should therefore be an honor and a privilege. So what is the problem?

So yes, I agree, it is a great honor to be able to serve God in missions and to be His hands and feet. However, it is also a very difficult task that comes with many challenges that not many people back home might realize. You don’t only leave behind your family, your friends, and your culture, but also your comfort, privacy and financial independency. Especially the financial pressure can take a toll. 

Please read the following statements from me and some fellow missionary friends about what missions is about:

Being a missionary is…

• …Having a ‘job’ that has no official knock-off time, no switch-off button and no clearly defined job descriptions. 
• …Having a house that is a home and safety net to many people, except to yourself because you are always busy making others feel at home and safe.
• …Having a budget that is so tight that an unexpected and uncounted trip to drive someone to the hospital in the middle of the night leaves you with more worries about your fuel than about the person.
• …Having people collect used tea bags for you, because they think missionaries ought to be gratefully for anything that is given to them.
• …Buying a television and bringing it back to the shop three times, because every time when it enters your house you feel too guilty about it.
• …Witnessing someone hanging himself in a tree, a person puling out a 30 cm knife in front of you, or people getting robbed, but not really taking time to process it because you tell yourself that this is the life you chose.
• …Seeing your husband unconscious on the floor in a pool of blood, because you did not have money for a health insurance to go to a private hospital.
• …Being conflicted about posting a picture on social media of you and your family going out for an amazing dinner after a long and intense week, because you feel that your sponsors might think you are not spending your (their) money in a responsible manner.
• …Having to leave all the nice goodies in the shop that reminds you of home, because you can’t afford it or feel too guilty about getting it [don’t get me started on Nutella, brie and mozzarella cheese balls]
• …Going through a burn-out, but feeling like you are not allowed to take the break that you need, because your sponsors are not supporting you to sit at home on the couch.
• …Going for a small holiday at the coast at the end of a long year, just to end up in one of the cheapest AirBnB houses with a view on the slums, which makes you feel so guilty that you don’t enjoy a minute of it.

Behind many newsletters, this is what a lot of missionaries are struggling with on a daily basis. It’s the work, it’s the cultural differences, it’s being away from what you know and it’s the intensity of constantly ‘living on the edge’ and being in a dilemma on whether you can spend money on yourself or not. Missionaries need to invest in their personal wellbeing just like anyone else. If there is not enough investment in the missionaries themselves, the work suffers and so will the calling of God. 

If there is not enough investment in the missionaries themselves, the work suffers and so will the calling of God

You know, I often wonder what would reflect God in a better way? That missionary who is only busy working and surviving or perhaps rather that missionary who takes a break and posts a picture on social media of a delicious dinner in a beautiful restaurant? It’s not about having diamonds, silver or gold. It’s about having enough. In the midst of all the hecticness you really don’t want to have to worry about food, fuel, housing, or healthcare. 

I think secretly we long for someone to tell us that it is okey to go the extra mile. To take yourself out for dinner, to go on a family trip or to buy your favorite snack. Sometimes I dream about the day that missionaries worldwide are being spoiled by their own people. You know, like being sent for a 10-day trip to Ibiza! [..😅..] 

Sometimes I dream about the day that missionaries worldwide are being spoiled by their own people, like being sent for a 10-day trip to Ibiza!

So I can continue screaming at God, as I know He will be able to handle it. At the end of the day all I can do is trust God He got my back and that He calls forth the people who are willing to stand with His missionaries and their wellbeing. 

I will close off with a scripture in 3 John 1:5-8 (TLB) that a friend of mine recently shared on Facebook:

“Dear friend, you are doing a good work for God in taking care of the traveling teachers and missionaries who are passing through. They have told the church here of your friendship and your loving deeds. I am glad when you send them on their way with a generous gift. For they are traveling for the Lord and take neither food, clothing, shelter, nor money from those who are not Christians, even though they have preached to them. So we ourselves should take care of them in order that we may become partners with them in the Lord’s work”.